Taking the Long Road

Right now I'm listening to the Dixie Chicks album "Taking the Long Road." This record is about 4 years old, but it is still one of my go to favorites. Maybe it's the bush-bashing undertones (this came out in response to the "I'm embarrassed the President is from Texas" snafu) or maybe it's just that the music is some of their best...either way I can listen to this CD over and over again at any time of day.

The funny thing is, that I had lost it for over a year and never got around to buying it again. Today, while packing up our bookshelves, I was looking through a book "Blessed Unrest", that was for a class I took last spring and out the CD fell! I have no idea how it got there, but I took it as a sign. Of course I popped it right in and started singing along.

"My friends from high school married their high school boyfriends
moved into houses in the same zip codes where their parents live
but IIIIII could never follow
I been a long time gone now maybe someday I'll find some time to settle down..."

Then reality set in. I'm not taking the long way around anymore - I'm heading straight through grown-up ville! As ironic as you might think this song is for me (I married my high school boyfriend young) I actually always relate to these lyrics because I never saw myself as heading down a traditional path. Marriage was never the end-all be-all to my life, it was something (wonderful) that happened unexpectedly. I never saw marriage as ending my life more as the sugar to my already delicious coffee.

"It felt like a given
something a woman is born to do
a natural ambition
see your reflection of me and you
and I feel so guilty that was a gift I couldn't give
could you be happy if life wasn't how we pictured it
and sometimes I just want to wait it out to prove everybody wrong
and I need your help to move on because you know it's so hard

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard

Live for the moment and all these clouds open up for me to see
show me a vision of you and me swimming peacefully"

In my own way I have always been a rebel. One summer when I was around 11 or 12 I remember wanting this pair of JNCOS so badly while on a visit to my grandparent's house in Florida. I had to work hard for those JNCOS by washing the car, cleaning the pool, and whatever else my grandma thought added up to $34.99. None of my other friends had JNCOS. They were all wearing GAP or American Eagle, but I wanted to be different - a punk skater girl.
My rebellion started even earlier though. I threatened to run away when I was six; secretly fed any foods I didn't like (namely hot dogs) to the family dog only to claim my prize of dessert afterward, made out with boys in school bathrooms, snuck out of the house, and other teenagery things; but this was just an outward expression of the different thoughts I had and couldn't express. I never went with the status quo and always questioned everything - my dad would constantly say to me "just give it up!" in response to my interrogation of authority. I couldn't give it up though, it's just part of who I am.

"Put the kisses on the asses that they told me to
but IIII could never follow
and I'm getting back to the road now
taking the long way around"


I don't want to lose that part of me now that I am becoming a mom. I never want to feel like I settled like so many people often do when they have children. I don't want to become a suburbanite mom with my huge SUV driving around in a bubble professing my love for all things kid-related, acting like the world revolves around little Jimmy or Sally denying that I still have dreams and hopes. This is not to say that I think my life will not drastically change when this baby is born, but why do so many moms give up on their own dreams? Personally, Jeremy and I disagree with the philosophy that children should be the center of all decision-making - I think it breeds indulgent, selfish, and unappreciative children. You can deeply love your child and still recognize that you need balance in your life to remain a sane person.

All of these thoughts have been rushing through my head as so many transitions are occurring in our lives over the next month. I am four and a half months pregnant, graduating with my Masters degree next week, and moving back to Atlanta. All of this without any definite jobs lined up. It is scary. There will be many tough choices to make over the next few months, but I have a peace about it because we've made it through a lot worse this far!

"Children lose their youth to soon
watching war made us immune
and I've got all the world to lose,
but I just want to hold onto the easy silence you make for me
it's okay when there's nothing more to say to me
the peaceful silence you make for me and the way you keep the world at bay for me"

Then life is put back into perspective when tragedies happen like the recent Nashville
Floods. Thankfully, we just had a little bit of flooding in one of our bathroom, but our neighbors have not been as fortunate. Just blocks from us our neighbor's houses are under water and historic monuments are destroyed. Schools have been out this entire week and flood relief efforts are going strong around the city. We spent most of Sunday helping our neighbors, the Massa-Mckinleys, bail water out of their house and today Jeremy is headed over Bellvue, on the west side of Nashville, to help with flood damage. Disasters like this make me realize how fleeting material possesions are and no matter how individualistic our culture becomes we still desperately need one another. The outpouring of generosity and support in Nashville has restored a little bit of my faith in the idea of true community.

"I'm through with doubt...there's nothing left for me to figure out..."

In all that we are going through, it is miniscule compared to those who have lost everything this week in the floods. These past few months have felt like we are taking a very long road and feeling like "God why can't things just be easy for us for a while" and then I'm humbled again to realize that I don't even know true hardship.

I played the song "Lullaby" off this album as I walked down the aisle at our wedding almost four years ago. The first time I heard this song, it immediately reminded me of Jeremy. Now, it still brings back vivid memories of seeing his face tear up on the day we committed ourselves to eachother, but it also has a new meaning. When I listened to it again today, I thought of our ultrasound picture and never knew that I could feel those same emotions for someone else.

"They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade
How long do you wanna be loved?
Is forever enough? Is forever enough?
Tommorow ther'll be so much to do
so tonight I'll drift in a dream with you
As you wander throught his troubled world in search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes and I'm miles away
you can hear my voice like a serenade"


As we go down this new road I hope we take our dreams and desires with us, and leave all the doubt behind. Hell, maybe we can even keep our rebellious spirits as we drift into the scary, yet exciting realm of parenthood! Eeep!

Smith's Visit to Nashville

Some of our family came in town this weekend on a college trip visit to Vanderbilt. Dianne is Jeremy's Uncle Chuck's wife and her daughter Lauren has started the search for the perfect college. They kicked it off with a girls road trip to Nashville!
We were so excited to get to spend time with them because they live in Florida and we don't get to see them very often. On Friday I gave them a tour of Vanderbilt and Lauren even got to have an impromptu meeting with an admissions counselor-score! I think she really loved the school and she's definitely got the brains to go here.


Saturday we went to the one-and-only Opryland Hotel (if you haven't been it's a must-see stop in Nashville). Here we are all standing in front of the river that runs through the hotel (yep they have a river inside the hotel).


Doodle posing.




Out for pizza at Joey's


What a fun weekend! I love having family in town.

Vandy Baseball

Without a major league team in Nashville (Go Braves!), we had to resort to college baseball for our spring fix. We were actually pleasantly surprised by how much fun it was!

It was the perfect day, sunny yet breezy, for a yummy Hog Heaven BBQ sandwich and some Commodore's baseball. If you haven't tried out Hog Heaven's delicious dishes - you must go! They are located on the side of Centennial Park in the shack-like building.

Feeling a little blue that for the first time in our nearly 10 year relationship neither one of us will be enrolled in school come May, we are trying to squeeze everything college-like in these last two months (knowing J, that school hiatus won't last very long).


Have you seen my baseball?


It was a tad windy at points.



I happened to capture a controversial moment in the game (A future in sports journalism? I think yes!) where you can clearly tell our player had his foot on 3rd base before the KY player tagged him. Unfortunately, the ump thought differently, resulting in major crowd booing/heckling and our coach freaking out! I love drama at sporting events!


We were joking about how delicious soda is compared to beer at a baseball game. NOT!

Spring Break!

It's spring break in the Byars household! Jeremy is out of school this week and since I work in the schools that means I have work off too! We both have class though so we can't go anywhere and decided to have a fun staycation.

I kicked off last weekend by throwing my childhood best friend, Brittany, a bachelorette party. I forgot my camera - hence no evidence- but it was so fun! Lots of good food, laughs, and honky tonk dancing.

Monday we spent the whole day in bed recovering. I can't remember the last time we were able to do this?! Hopefully we will get to some more fun things this week...other than that it's been pretty quiet around here :)

No updates on jobs or moving. Please be praying for both of us on the jobs front - it's such a frustrating process!!!

Valentine's Weekend

A Valentine's Bouquet I made with my crafty friend Karri

What a fun Valentine's Weekend (or Singles Awareness Day as some people refer to it)!
Friday we went with friends to the Wild Cow, a new vegetarian restaurant in East Nashville, and then to see the Dynamites perform at Mercy Lounge. It's a good thing the music was a lot better than the food (booo to vegan Mac n' Cheese...this is one thing that just cannot be replicated)!

When the lead singer introduced himself as Charles Walker the Shit Talker, I knew we were going to be in for a great night. I have never seen so many white people dancing to the blues in one place - it was DYNAMITE! Ha! Here is a little taste of The Dynamites:


Saturday we slept in and bummed around the house until we finally decided to go see Valentine's Day. It was a cute movie, but nothing to write home about. In general we're not really huge fans of movies trying to throw in every single actor/actress in Hollywood and yet it worked in this movie.



We then had a fancy dinner a la O'Charley's and settled in for the rest of the night to watch the Olympics. I LOVE the OLYMPICS! My favorite events to watch are the speed skating - go Apollo with your 6 medals-, skiing, and ice skating. GO TEAM USA.

Anywhoooo - hope you had a weekend filled with love and stay warm!

snow!

I can't remember the last time I saw this much snow in real life! Besides the entire city shutting down, it has been awesome! School/meetings were canceled on Friday, which left us a weekend of snow fun!

January Blahs

Listening: Jeff Larson - New Antiques album

Not much is going on here in January at the Byars's household. I think we are just in hibernation mode for the winter. Something about this time of year is depressing. Maybe it's the cold weather, the exhaustion over the craziness of the holiday spectacle, or the deadness of plant life, but I always struggle to feel that usual enthusiasm for life. Jeremy's family has a term for this that can't really be defined, but somehow perfectly describes this state of being, they call it the Moley Grubbies.

Classes have started back (Jeremy teaching high school/community college and me finishing my last semester of grad. school) and that is going really well. I'm taking a Program Evaluation class that is more skills focused, which seems like a good segue into the real (scary) world a.k.a. career world (insert horror movie soundtrack here). Speaking of the career world...I'm finding that it isn't as easy of a choice as I had previously thought. Once Jeremy was done with his Master's degree he knew exactly what he was getting into, but for me it's much more ambiguous - I hate ambiguity, but more than that I hate being stuck in a field that I don't really love without choices. I guess in a way I'm trying to have my cake and eat it too, however in my defense I would only take a small slice, without too much icing, preferably confetti cake, with chocolate ic...whoops there I go again.

The good thing is Jeremy and I are always on the same page as far as what we want out of our life. And so what if what we want for our lives is non-traditional and non-absolute? There is a struggle going on within us of how to balance our passions for life and/or/but how to make a living doing this. We aren't too worried about it, but soon we will have to make decisions, which is very hard for two indecisive people! I loved this quote from an NPR article that basically said instead of focusing on trying to keep up with the Joneses maybe we should be asking the Joneses how are they doing?

Did this confuse you as much as it confused me? Sorry this was more of a stream of consciousness entry. Ha! I have no idea where this is going- see this is what the Moley Grubbies do to a person....maybe I will have better luck in February?